When they, whomever "they" might be, talk about men having a mid-life crisis, it's always been a mystery to me. I mean, really, don't we all go through that at one point or another? I don't think you can exclude women. I think it's just different. It's like re-discovering oneself all over again only with better knowledge under your belt about how life really works.
I'm not talking about cynicism. Being cynical, well that's just not part of my make-up. It'd stop the whole dreaming and discovery process because it's just not a quality that creates the proper attitude for dreaming, believing and for that matter, living a life of faith. I'm not saying that I never have negative thoughts, but I can assure you that after I process them for a little bit, I throw them right out the window.
When you get down to it, everything that you do, faith, love, marriage, relationships, emotions, belief, treatment of others, attitude.....it's all about choices.
Sure...you can't stop feelings or emotions. They're something that just happen and sometimes it takes a while to figure out the why of them. The only thing in your control regarding this is how you treat others when you're feeling them. For me, sometimes if I'm upset about something, if I'm not really sure how I feel about it, then it's best to limit what's said until I've sorted out my own feelings. Then, I can phrase my concerns in the proper format before speaking. No one ever said that I had to be a doormat simply because I'm a Christian. The problem with delaying reactions and talking about them immediately is often others will assume how you feel and act upon their assumptions. They go in "attack" mode and make the argument or disagreement totally about them, not willing to even look at the other persons point of view.
I guess what I'm saying is that as I've gotten older, I'm different in how I handle things. I've discovered more about myself in the last few years than I ever thought imaginable. I don't have to be the "perfect" mother or the "perfect" wife or the "perfect" anything. I can be who I am and not apologize for it in any way, shape, or form. In a disagreement, I'm more willing to wait and see rather than attack and let the chips fall where they may. I choose not to act rashly whenever possible and control some of my emotions the best that I can, though sometimes I recognize that God uses that passion and I try to be always conscious of that. Yet because I sometimes hold back, there's a whole other set of consequences. Even when we make the best of choices, there can be consequences that are not the best.
Sometimes I do wonder why on earth we always have to learn things the hard way. Everything is so much clearer in my 40's than it was in my 20's. Thank goodness I never have to go back there.
Until later...
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